you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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