highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize