He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
where does the pee come out of this thing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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