i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
