Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob