Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.