Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.