i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
