I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
