You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
