no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
