I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
