It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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