Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
