The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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