I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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