Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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