We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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