She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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