i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
