her vagine was all disorganized.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
