I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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