My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
