I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
