I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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