So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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