omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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