just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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