So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
