??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
