worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
