I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize