so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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