youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
