btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize