I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize