i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
