Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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