Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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