Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
