gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
