if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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