The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
