when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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