i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Still dying that you shit outside
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
