the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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