he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
