Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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