He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
