And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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