dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
