Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
