I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
