don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
where are you?
Hypothermia
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
