I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize