Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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