i think my tv is drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
