I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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